Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
