Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
