but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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