I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
