Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
