I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
