What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
