His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
