So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
