i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
