I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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