First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
