Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
