I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
