you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
