i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The Olympian is in my bed
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