I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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