I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
