You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
