So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
