it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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