I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
