seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
