I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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