I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
