it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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