i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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