they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
