Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Randomize
