U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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