I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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