I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
