I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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