watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
