Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
operation harelip BJ is a go
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
