the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
