Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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