im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You pole danced in your parka.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
