they need to just BURY HIM!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
