Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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