Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
