so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
