Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
is that a dick in a sweater?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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