Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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