I faked an abortion last night.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
