This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
dude. I can hear the air.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
