The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Reggie can tackle my bush.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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