you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
