i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
