Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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