I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
