It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
What drink are we having for lunch?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
