i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
