I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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